Next to Normal

I watched the pro shot of Next to Normal on PBS this week and I was absolutely floored. The story is about the Goodman family dealing with tragedy and mental illness.

I encountered this musical for the first time when I was in college, and I was obsessed for quite some time. I checked my blog archives and found three separate mentions, all in March 2012. It's not a light show by any stretch (and I'd definitely recommend checking the content warnings first, even if it is PBS). Still, this version of the show was a different kind of gut punch than I remember from 2012. The 13 years since have given me more experiences with grief, more familiarity with illness, and a more complex relationship with both.

There is a quote from a book I read a couple of years ago that came to mind as I watched: "He’s beginning to understand that grief doesn’t strike bargains. There’s no way of avoiding the agony—or even of getting through it faster. It’s got him in its claws and it won’t let go till he’s learnt every lesson it has to teach."* I love this visceral image, and it felt like the perfect description of this show.

For the family in the show, they are in the claws of grief. It is harrowing and relentless. I was grateful to be watching it at home, able to take breaks, pause for deep breaths and a little space when I needed it. And yet, I was very aware I had the privilege of distancing myself, something that the family in the musical would never have. As they make their ways deeper into their pain, things start to fracture and then ultimately find the beginnings of a way forward.

The show closes with a piece called "Light," urging each of them to find hope and possibilities. It's my favorite part of the show, and the thing I'll take away the most: "Knowing that the darkest skies will someday see the sun."

If you feel up to crying a lot, maybe give it a watch.

*The book is The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker and I would not recommend it, even if it has several good lines that I've remembered.